Fight harder!

And then I asked myself... "Will everything that I've gone through so far go down to waste?"

But I've gone far, I've stayed strong, I've clinged on so tightly.. am I starting to lose grip because of those few emotions? Are emotions worth me losing my grip? Are they that strong that they take control over my will? Are they overpowering me to diverse myself away from God?

Are they worth in exchange for all that I've done for my leaders, friends, and most importantly, God?

And then the question comes: Why am I in church?

If I were to lose my grip, my momentum, I'll be back to scratch! Then what's the point, when I'm climbing up to do more things for God! Why should I be pulling myself back just because of some stupid thoughts and emotions?

No, I can't. I've stayed strong.. Now, I must stay EVEN stronger. I can't be weak when everyone else is strong! I must and will become as strong as my leaders, as powerful as pastors.

I must never lose my dreams! If I lose my focus in being in church, start losing my dreams and visions on why I'm in church, just because of some irritating weeds at the back of my brain, then it's so not worth it!

Are they worth clinging on to, compared to God-given dreams? Dumb thoughts are NOT godly at all - not even the slightest bit!

I can fight back.. I can! I'm strong, I'm resilient against struggles. I can pull through.

I can pull through everything and anything as long as I have Christ, who strengthens me!

I shall seek revelation.

Amen.